ME: "You're going to bed now?!? It's only 7:30 pm!"

BF: "I'm tired. I barely got any sleep at work today."

Me: "I think anyone who has a shred of integrity and is aware of how Goldman Sachs, MorganStanley, AIG, Merrill Lynch and others in the financial sector knowingly defrauded investors and reaped huge profits that ended up costing millions of people their jobs and homes, supports what the Occupy Wall Street Movement is trying to do ( Read more... )

boyfriend: So you're buying the movie tickets?

me: Yeah.

boyfriend: I hope you don't think this is automatically gonna get you to third base tonight.

calls me at work

BF: What are you doing?

ME: Eating cake.

HIM: Why are you eating cake?!?! (jealous)

ME: Because it's my boss's boss's 20th anniversary with the company.

HIM: But why do you get cake?

ME: Because somebody got her a cake and we all get a piece.

HIM: Sounds like a communist thing to me.

boyfriend: I filled out our Census form.

me: okay

boyfriend: I went ahead and put you down as a lesbian.

BF: Are you okay, baby?

ME: I'm fine. Why?

BF: I was talking to my i-pod.

BF: I have the hiccups.

ME: I know a fail-proof cure for hiccups.

BF: Do I have to stick something up my anus? Because I already fell for that one once.

Recurring argument with the boyfriend:

ME: "My Mama told me, I better shop around."

HIM: "Mama said knock you out."

ME: "Shop around!"

HIM: "Knock you out!"

me: I'm going to start charging you for maid service!

him: I'm going to start charging you for tech support!

me: I need to know, once and for all, is Morrissey gay?

bf: Yes, he's gay.

me: How do you know?

bf: He blew me once.